Tuesday, 25 June 2013

MGTOW vs The Toxic MGTOW

There seems to be another rift in the MGTOW/MRM sphere(s) between Paul Elam and Stardusk who both seem to think that they can define what it means to be a MGTOW and how MGTOWs should act/behave, which is what has prompted me to write this article on MGTOW and how I see it in terms of this latest divide.

Over the course of the last year I have been reading, researching, and examining the MGTOW way of life. I am of course not finished delving into the world of MGTOW, and I doubt I ever will since it is mostly a personal choice that men make based on their own experiences, perceptions, and preferences. At least that is what a MGTOW is supposed to be - someone who decides what is right for him, and him alone.

What I find odd within the MGTOW world is that many MGTOWs feel the need to dictate or define what a MGTOW ultimately is, and when a MGTOW has chosen a different personal path than another there seems to be a long drawn out dispute as to who really is a MGTOW and what defines a MGTOW. It's quite bizarre that something defined as going one's own way would have to adhere to a set of rules or standards.

If someone comes to the conclusion, based on careful consideration and introspection, that one wants to label one's self as a MGTOW and go their own way, then there should ultimately be no discussion or debate to have with that individual. That individual should also not be on a crusade to convince others that his way of life is the best or right way because, again, it is all based on a personal choice and no two people are alike.

But when MGTOWs begin to force their personal ideas and beliefs about what a MGTOW is, or should be, that is where problems begin because there is not supposed to be any set standard for a MGTOW other than for him to go his own way as he sees fit.

Putting men who choose to got their own way in a box and trying to define them by a set standards is not going to work. Dictating why and how they should be MGTOWs defeats the whole purpose of that personal choice.

When people try to convince others of what is right for them, or to dictate how they should be, then they are no longer allowing someone to make a personal choice based on what would ultimately be right for them according to their personal experiences. And when someone decides to become a MGTOW based solely on the assessment of others personal experiences or biased information, then it becomes a recipe for disaster.

No one should have to convince someone to become a MGTOW. That should be a personal decision based on one's personal experiences and motivations, nothing more. It should not have to do with being told what a MGTOW is and that by only doing XYZ can you truly be one.

The bottom line is this. If you decide to choose the MGTOW way of life based on personal reflection, careful consideration, and the knowledge that your choice will ultimately lead you to a more fulfilled and happy life, then I say go for it. Your happiness and contentment are what matter, but if you choose to be a MGTOW based on outside opinions, biased information, a hasty knee-jerk reaction after a bad experience with a woman, or by being coerced by other MGOTWs who feel the need to have others in their 'club', then I would caution you that you may be headed down a path that is not really right for you. A path that will most likely lead you to feel alone, angry, and abandoned.

This leads to what I term the toxic MGTOWs. These are the one's who are not actually content to be MGTOWs and who made their decision to be a MGTOW based on negative reasons outside of careful personal reflection and consideration. The toxic MGTOWs seem to have chosen their way of life based on information they were fed by biased individuals who want to dictate what a MGTOW actually is. They may also be those individuals who have had bad luck with women and feel there is no other alternative out of frustration or the idea that they will never find the right woman. These individuals would tend to be the ones who feel more alone, angry and abandoned, and they need others around them that feel like them to be able to feel justified in having made a bad decision. It's that old adage - misery loves company.

The toxic MGTOWs were the ones I had discussed in a video I made a while back called 'MGTOWs gone wrong'. And there are, unfortunately, quite a few toxic MGTOWs out there that give the sensible, well adjusted, and happy MGTOWs a bad name.

Of course these are purely my own observations which are based on my knowledge of basic psychology, experience with interpersonal behavior and group dynamics. But from what I have seen within the MGTOW 'community', it is not something that requires a rocket scientist to see or understand.

Being a MGTOW is supposed to lead one to a better, happier, and more fulfilled life. If you call yourself a MGTOW then it should not matter what other MGTOWs do or don't do. There are no set rules to apply to any personal way of life. The only 'criteria', if there is one to be had, for being a MGTOW would be your own personal happiness and fulfillment regardless of what others think, say, or do, but if you feel the need to convince men that there is only one correct way to be a MGTOW, or that it is the only sane option for a man to take, then you need to reflect and ask yourself why those things are so important to you if you are truly going your own way.

*Edited to add the first paragraph which did not get saved in the original draft.